Pastors and Scandals; a tale of adultery!

I haven't blogged in over three months and its not out of a lack of what to say but rather where to start from! So much has happened in my life in the last four months (ALL positive) that it has been excitingly overwhelming and I haven't had the time to publish some of my thoughts on it. Well I can't say all of what has happened but I'll just summarize and say some; I got married, moved continents, started a new life as a married woman and have been trying to settle into my new home and its been an absolutely an amazing and blessed journey. Super grateful to the almighty for a wonderful husband and friend who gives me a reason to smile everyday! Love you Mio..

Now onto other things outside of me, the blogosphere world has been abuzz with the story of the sex scandal between Ese Walter and some Pastor Bidoun Fatoyinbo of a church called COZA in Abuja Nigeria (click the title “My Affair With Pastor Biodun Fatoyinbo of COZA").
When I read her story I was flipping mad!! First of all several things stuck out to me from this story the first of which is the kind of reverence Nigerian congregants tend to have for their pastors. And let me seize this opportunity to remind us that not everyone who calls the name of God is of God and this is why we must test the spirit to see if it is genuine. Acts 17:11 the Berean Jews were said to be of more noble character because they didn't just take the word of God hook, line and sinker when heard from men, they took the time to search scriptures and if as a Christian you are not doing that today then you are on your own! Back to the issue, these pastors are human beings like you and me and guess what??! They are NOT infallible! In fact I believe men of God are more prone to committing atrocities because their level of temptation, I dare to say, is most likely higher than yours or mine as a result of their spirituality. The saying goes that he that is down need fear no fall but what of he that is up? He definitely needs to fear to fall because when you are high up there are many forces, physical and spiritual, trying to bring you down and if you have no protection you will fall hard. Transfer this theory spiritually and I'm sure you can paint the picture for yourself. These pastors are men first before they are servants of God and this means that they have two sources feeding into them; one is from the world and all its garbage and the other is from the heavens with all its weapons to quench the darts of the world. Now we all know no one is perfect and hence we all feed off these two sources including pastors and therefore this means they get to experience temptation in all forms, shapes or sizes as the case appears with this story. The big question though is how do they resist it and when does their conscience stop them from doing wrong and acknowledging their sins saying "I have a problem and I shouldn't be in front of this pulpit because I have failed God and I have failed you (the church)"? Um, NEVER! Why? Let me ask you when last you came out in the open to confess an atrocity you committed? Thinking? I can guess the answer is Never! So you see why Pastor Biodun had to wait to be caught and not to confess! We all have secrets and we all go on our knees and try to resolve it personally with God and sometimes if we are daring enough we let someone or two in on our problems and hope we can find a solution. And sometimes we do find a solution and with the grace of God abounding can move on and not repeat the atrocity while sometimes we fall again! Many fall along the way and rise; while many rise along the way and fall again! Its in the human nature. Don't get me wrong I am livid with the abuse of power by this so called pastor because he has used his position to hide his shame but at the same time I am not blind to the fact that he has issues and needs help! So I will not pass judgment on him but I can say this he better confess and repent or face the wrath of God and that is a fact!

Second thing that stuck out to me is this Ese girl, I mean how stupid can one get that you don't know when to draw boundaries when its so obvious that something morally and atrociously wrong is about to happen and you are a part of it?! Its people like this that throw the term 'commonsense' out the window! Or should we assume she under some negative spiritual influence that led her to the arms of an adulterer and a so called man of God (very questionable) for that matter! In fact I'm bewildered to put it mildly. I wish I had more to say about this girl but fortunately I am in no position to pass judgment and so I rest my case. However I commend her public confession because it can't have been easy doing it even though I don't know whether or not she may have confessed publicly if she hadn't gone around telling several people who were already spreading the story. By telling her story she has exposed a harsh reality going on in the church and hopefully other women who have gone through similar experiences can find a way to forgive themselves and their cohorts in this heinous acts and move on.

Its just a pity and sad that so many so called Christians are practicing religiosity and carnality, not Christianity. I bet God is shaking his head and wondering what more He can tell us that is not already in His word. All I can say is fix your gaze upon what is right, honest, just, righteous, lovely and clean and invite the spirit to give you the strength and grace to quench all the fiery darts of the enemy and you will surely defeat the devil by the word of the Lamb and the word of your testimony!

Peace and Love to you!
Coco C

Ability+Capacity= Territory

A child still learning to crawl is limited in movement and in area or territory covered until he learns to walk. Consistently and perhaps painstakingly he pushes on in his quest to conquer new distances and to pick up the colorful toy ahead of him, all the time doing so while crawling on his tiny belly. One day though he realizes its time to take things to the next level and so he jolts himself to his feet and takes a few courageous step forward, while holding the armrest of the chair so his feeble legs do not give way under his weight. He does this for a few more days or weeks or maybe even a month, all the time being encouraged and cheered on lovingly by mum and dad, sometimes falling on his heavily padded butt. Then suddenly, the day arrives when his training is over and he is equipped to move to new grounds. Putting one foot in front of the other he begins to walk from the living room, down the hallway until he gets to mum and dad's room and to their surprise he smiles knowingly because his capacity had been expanded and hence he gained new territory! This is mine and your story in the desire for territory. 

The Lord promised the Israelite's that He would take them to new grounds but He knew they did not have the ability and capacity to take the territory He wanted for them. So He told them in verse 29 and 30 that it would take time but the time was dependent on their increase in ability and capacity. Increase in ability and capacity is up to us under the guidance of God's word which has been given to us as a lamp unto our feet and a light to our path. 

Ability plus capacity is vital to taking new territory because with new levels come new devils! No one is promoted to MD or CEO without a story of a journey of patience, persistence, hard work and diligence. Often times we pray and make incessant requests of God and while his desire is to grant us all we ask of,though permissible, He knows better than we do that it is not all beneficial. 

So ask Him wisely and in accordance to His will,then build yourself up as best as you can with the tools necessary to take the territory you desire, and finally trust Him to do it at the appointed time for everything under the sun has a time and a season. 

Lord, teach me to be patient in my desire to take new territory and while doing so, give me the grace and strength to build myself up in line with your word so that when you are ready to give me new territory I may not be found lacking in Jesus name. Amen. 

Speaking of territories, I recently took territory and got married to the one whom God destined to be my husband!! ;)..hehehe

Coco C a.k.a Mrs E! ;) 

Demystifying 'emotional' women

Women are complex creatures. I'm one so I know better! We get moody when we have no reason to, cry when we shouldn't, worry over things that always have solutions, etc etc etc..the list is loooong! On Saturday a bunch of kids came over to my sisters house and they were lil girls. Her hubby couldn't help but notice that the lil girls weren't playing with each other and he said so stating that guys behaved differently. In hindsight this is true as it happens in adulthood. Two women sit beside each other at a mutual friend's party and none says hi to the other because they are both wondering who will say hi first or if the other person is a social snob! I've done it before so I know this is a common occurrence and I wonder why?! Ladies any input on this one?

Anyway my main focus for this blog entry is to talk about what a lot of women want in a relationship! Yes, thousand+xxxx  'relationship experts' are my predecessors in this field and yes they have most times written accurate stuff but men can never hear enough of what women really want because truth is half the time they aren't paying attention!! So, just like she always does when she asks you five times or more to please remember to buy xxxxxx on your way home, I'm gonna add myself to the thousand+xxx1 people who have reiterated many times what women want and in doing so I'm going to use myself as case study! Don't judge me o, here goes: (P.S: Disclaimer: Please note that the following does not apply to every woman as some women are logical and not emotional creatures and hence the title of my post)

1. Communication- I'm a big communicator in the sense that I like to 'talk' about issues when they happen because that is my way of releasing inner anger. To deny emotional women the privilege of communicating is to slowly turn up the dial of an incinerator! One day the dial will go beyond the scale and when it does the door will explode and all hell will break loose and hell with have no fury like a woman scorned or rather shunned! Men talk to us, its part of our motivating fuel to be better girlfriends/wives to you.

2. Attention- I'm clearing my throat on this one because its an Achilles heel for me. I don't know if its because I'm a Leo and we live for attention or if its just my genetic wiring, but a few hours of not giving me attention can send me to moody land for a day!! Now don't get me wrong, we're not asking to be followed around or to be called every hour but just 'feeling' like we're your numero uno thought is all it takes! How do you achieve it? Its up to you guys, what does your woman like? Does she want to hear your voice every hour (whether she or you calls) or does she want to see a text from you? Or does she want you to be involved in the design of the wedding cake for your wedding too? Whatever it is SHE WANTS and you can easily provide, knowing it will make her happy, then please by all means try to do it. Some argue that should he do what she wants even when its not genuinely from his heart and he's only acting out because it'll make her happy? My answer? Yes. Would it make you happy if she isn't a football fan but she sits down to watch it with you anyway because you like to talk while watching it and at least she can keep you company? If yes, then there goes your answer! If no, then this my blog post can't help you... waka go the next one, maybe they'll have answers for you! There is a thin line between genuineness and pretense and finding a way to balance the two in the interest of all parties concerned is all it'll take for moments of peace if not be prepared for lady moody to make an appearance.

3. Femininity- We want to see your feminine side dude! One of the biggest turn-on's for ALL women (emotionally or logically inclined) is a man who can cook and clean! They are like diamonds, rare to find; gold,  hard if not impossible to tarnish; cake, sweet to eat; chocolate, perfect aphrodisiacs! You see the thing is we know its part of our responsibility to 'look after the man and the home' but to see a man who doesn't conform to the world's rules but who makes his and lives by them is epic!! Men, it wouldn't hurt to have dinner ready for two of you every now and then or to help out around the house, after-all she helps with the bills so why can't you help with the chores? You didn't marry your mother, a nanny or a housemaid. You married a wife, a partner, helper and teammate! Treat her as such and she'll literally lick the ground you walk on if you ask her to.

There are so many more issues I could address but this for me are the three which stand out the most especially coming from a masculine culture where women are defined by their social responsibilities!

So, dats all! Share your thoughts if you wish...

Ciao..

Coco-C

2013 random happenings

The first quarter of this year is almost gone and I'm sure everyone would agree that a lot has happened. From deaths to weddings to comical viral sensations (my oga at the top) to the usual political brouhaha and drama, it has been one heck of a year. Personally I have felt a little overwhelmed with things happening this year and have spent many moments processing it mentally and spiritually. We all entered the new year hoping for better things to come this year and thankfully for some people that has happened while for others the reverse has been the case.

Starting with death, it came 'close to home' this year with the loss of a cousin, a family friend, a sister-in-law and an acquaintance from secondary school. Four deaths in two months, most of which were within two to three weeks apart, that the "RIP" status on my social media page became the order of the day and at some point was emotionally exhausting. What can I say if not that the feebleness of life is a reminder that we really are chasing the wind and that everything outside of God and a purpose driven life is vanity. Just like you and me, these four people made plans as each day passed by. They planned for the present and the future and imagined they would watch their kids get married and someday they would grow old. Somewhere in the recesses of their mind death was an option someday but not anytime soon as they couldn't imagine dying young and unfulfilled but sadly death doesn't respect plans and so before they had time to catch their breath, the inevitable quiet end came knocking on their doorpost. How sad.. May all the souls of the faithful departed be with God.

Onto weddings ;).. I've attended ONLY one wedding this year (for a Nigerian that is a poor statistics in 3 months, we too marry) and might I add that just like a typical Nigerian would do, I went uninvited! Which brings me to the subject of the 'collectivist' nature of our society, is it a good or bad thing to be this communal that we can freely walk into a strangers special moment and partake without contributing anything? My masters dissertation was about culture and one key subject raised was 'collectivism' which is basically the level of social interactions in the society. While it has many advantages as you can rely on your friends or neighbors and sometimes total strangers to be there for you in times of need, are the disadvantages more when it comes to thinks like planning a wedding? Ideally you want 300 people at your wedding but knowing the culture you are from you end up planning for 600 people, irrespective of your financial capabilities, because it is expected that "extra mouths" will be there (without gifts if I might add!!) and they should be fed. Oh well I guess we can't blame people who now do weddings strictly by invitation to avoid stories that touch! And on a final note for this wedding subject, mine is coming up soon and just like I crashed someones wedding, I expect mine to be crashed too so feel free to bring yourself to eastern Nigeria (if you can find a commercial airline in naija to fly these days)! lol..

Comical viral sensations, my oga at the top!!! Now this is one man who made an entire nation, home and abroad, laugh their heads off for over a week! Talk about national comic/embarrassment.. I won't write too much about this because the story has been exhausted in all forms with music videos, tees, mugs, etc.... People couldn't get enough of the joke of an interview captured on national television by Channels TV station, discussing the Nigerian Security and Civil Defense Corps (NSCDC). When I first saw the video I was mortified and embarrassed at the man's supposed 'ignorance' that I didn't notice the epic line 'my oga at the top', until the slogan broke out! Well all I can say is "well done Mr Shem for publicizing your organization in the most comical way ever,....dats all!!"..lol..

On the political front, GEJ should please revoke his presidential pardon of Alams so we can hear word and so we can believe once more that the battle to fight corruption has hope! How did we get to this point where we are defined and judged globally by how corrupt we are??! Lord help!

Three eventful months gone and nine more to go. Personally I want weddings and more comical sensations to happen but no more deaths please, enough for a season already.

Just my morning musings and now its time to carve out my JD at my new job where I have no structured JD!!!(another fundamental gbese with Nigerian companies, smh).

Ciao!

Coco-C

He's just not worth it!

This post is inspired by the heart wrenching, jaw dropping, mind boggling story which I just read on BellaNaija's blog, about a 20 year old girl in a sexually, emotionally and physically abusive relationship. I have to say that I was too shocked to even have comments to drop because its hard to believe what human beings are capable of doing to another human and also harder to believe that the victims feel trapped and don't know when its time to walk away.

I've never been in an abusive relationship and so I cannot begin to fathom the intense and immense emotional and physical turmoil which people who are in such go through. At the risk of sounding judgmental I believe that victims of an abusive relationship, especially when unmarried, are unable to walk away because in the recesses of their mind their self-esteem is so low that they believe they cannot find any man better than what they already have and so they are dominated by fear of the known and unknown. Men who raise their hands on women and who degrade women sexually are demented and need to be exorcised because they are surely not worthy to bear the title of manhood, shikena! Its despicable and disgusting to even hear such stories that its borderline unbelievable. Unfortunately, because I know victims of such relationships I have to believe that of this unfortunate girl and I wish to God I knew were to find this 20 year old girl because I would take her matter personal o!

No man born of a woman, who has sisters, who is raised to fear God, who understands the value of women and who is worthy of the title of manhood would ever raise his hand or his voice or treat a woman in a way which can be described as inhumane. I am surrounded by such men and so I know that real men exist. Some of the women who are victims of abusive relationships are being fed lies in their hearts from the devil, lies that tell them that they are worthless to every other man and worth-full to their abuser. They are being fed lies that their abuser loves them and acts inhumane only in moments of weakness whereas unknown to them the blood flowing through his veins is infected with crude oil! They believe that the abuser will change someday because sometimes he is loving and so they forget so quickly that he is a nothing but a swine in clean clothes! I could go on and on but I'll stop here for now because I don't want to lose my temper and risk smashing my laptop against the wall! *exhaling deeply*.

If you are a victim of an abusive relationship or you know someone in an abusive relationship, please act fast.  Notice I used the word 'act'? And I don't mean 'talk' or 'advise' or 'try to reason with your friend' fast, I mean literally drag her by the ear away from her predicament if you have to and if possible! I mean get family involved if that's what it takes and don't worry about what they'll say or think of you, they'll get over it quickly and get into "action/eliminate the enemy mode" immediately. So please speak up and save yourself or shut up and kill yourself, because that may just be the final and unfortunate means through which you are able to get yourself out of such a relationship.

God loves you and made you fearfully and wonderfully and don't let any man treat you as any less. Real love is not violent, jealous or scary. Real love doesn't destroy self-esteem or intimidate. There is NO FEAR in love. Perfect Love casts out fear (1 John 4:18). So if you are in a relationship and you are scared then it is NOT love.

Remain blessed!

Coco Chinny