Can't believe i haven't blogged in a week! Seems this writer's block is worse than i thought! Oh dear, what to do? (blackberry confused face)..
Anyway yesterday i was reading a blog about a young lady in her early twenties who got married about a year ago and has a kid who is a few months old, and whose husband foolishly impregnated another woman just a year into their marriage (with his mistresses kid now a few weeks old)!!! The topic of debate was should she stick with him or pack her bags and hit the high road? Tough choice! So much for fidelity in marriage... I think what was even more shocking to me was reading the number of comments that had come up on this topic, differing opinions, similar experiences and silly answers as to why she should stick with him. It occurred to me that so much dirty, unpleasant and disheartening stuff goes on behind closed doors in a lot of marriages. i can't tell you the number of people who wrote back to say they had similar experiences, and in all these people NONE was a man!! Go figure?! The onus of fidelity and loyalty in marriage is left on the shoulders of women alone, how convenient! The man cheats and she's expected to forgive him and stick with him no matter what because; 'in sickness and in health till death to us part', 'oh she can't raise the kid alone', 'oh it'll be a negative influence on the child as he grows', 'oh what will people say, less than a year into her marriage and she's divorced'...etc etc etc.... gimme a break!
Now while i can't say for sure what my own reaction would be if i ever found myself in such a scenario (which i won't), i will not encourage anyone to stay in an unhappy marriage filled with betrayal and distrust. As someone said to me yesterday, you can't determine your reaction from an action which is based on assumptions because reactions when it comes realities always change! (i misquote as the English was plenty).. In other words there are no 'what ifs', it won't happen to me so i can't say for sure how I'd react.
I know we are supposed to forgive and forget, but how do you forget when ever so often the other woman is calling your husband and demanding for money to look after his own kid too? How do you forget when your husband has to leave the house sometimes to attend to the needs of the other child in his mother's home (which he is probably paying for)? Its all too emotionally consuming... Anyway to each man his own cup of tea to drink and finish...or not!
I though to share this story cause when i read it on someones blog, i fired away three different comments and i did not hesitate to say i would WALK! So i wanna hear your own views, got anything to say on this??
Anyway yesterday i was reading a blog about a young lady in her early twenties who got married about a year ago and has a kid who is a few months old, and whose husband foolishly impregnated another woman just a year into their marriage (with his mistresses kid now a few weeks old)!!! The topic of debate was should she stick with him or pack her bags and hit the high road? Tough choice! So much for fidelity in marriage... I think what was even more shocking to me was reading the number of comments that had come up on this topic, differing opinions, similar experiences and silly answers as to why she should stick with him. It occurred to me that so much dirty, unpleasant and disheartening stuff goes on behind closed doors in a lot of marriages. i can't tell you the number of people who wrote back to say they had similar experiences, and in all these people NONE was a man!! Go figure?! The onus of fidelity and loyalty in marriage is left on the shoulders of women alone, how convenient! The man cheats and she's expected to forgive him and stick with him no matter what because; 'in sickness and in health till death to us part', 'oh she can't raise the kid alone', 'oh it'll be a negative influence on the child as he grows', 'oh what will people say, less than a year into her marriage and she's divorced'...etc etc etc.... gimme a break!
Now while i can't say for sure what my own reaction would be if i ever found myself in such a scenario (which i won't), i will not encourage anyone to stay in an unhappy marriage filled with betrayal and distrust. As someone said to me yesterday, you can't determine your reaction from an action which is based on assumptions because reactions when it comes realities always change! (i misquote as the English was plenty).. In other words there are no 'what ifs', it won't happen to me so i can't say for sure how I'd react.
I know we are supposed to forgive and forget, but how do you forget when ever so often the other woman is calling your husband and demanding for money to look after his own kid too? How do you forget when your husband has to leave the house sometimes to attend to the needs of the other child in his mother's home (which he is probably paying for)? Its all too emotionally consuming... Anyway to each man his own cup of tea to drink and finish...or not!
I though to share this story cause when i read it on someones blog, i fired away three different comments and i did not hesitate to say i would WALK! So i wanna hear your own views, got anything to say on this??
'I thought to share this story cause when i read it on someones blog, i fired away three different comments and i did not hesitate to say i would WALK!...'
ReplyDeleteNo you won't. I used to think the same way a few years back but I kinda think differently now. The thing is this; for you to get to the point of deciding and going ahead to marry someone, it means (hopefully) that you genuinely love the person(re your recent comment on my blog) and have decided that there's no one else you want to spend your life with. Therefore, leaving that marriage would never be easy, especially if there are kids involved. I'm not in any way saying women should stay with an unfaithful husband (and I sure hope my husband doesn't cheat on me), but there is a difference between cheating once, and having an affair. Most people never set out to cheat on their spouses. They just make a wrong decision along the way and before you know it...
Before making a decision about whether to stay or go, there are so many things to consider; is the unfaithful spouse (it's not only men o!) repentant/remorseful? Did they confess or wait to get caught? Are they willing to work things out? These will all help decide if it's worth another go. Many marriages have survived and trust been rebuilt after infidelity; it just depends on if the two parties involved are willing to work at it.
So in conclusion, I don't think I would walk. Especially if it's a one-off mistake. But like you said, you never know what you'd do in that kind of situation really...
I agree with you on the one-off and reacting differently but i don't agree with such a mistake. I know mistakes do happen but there are some that should be avoided at ALL costs! I believe people who cheat do so with the knowledge of how wrong it is while they are doing it. I can't wrap my head around the idea of infidelity, its despicable to me..
ReplyDeleteAt the end of the day, my prayer is that no one whom i love or myself even should fall into such a temptation cause the repercussions might be long lasting or irreparable. Speaking of which there's a debate going on, on someone's blog about women who cheat back because they know their husbands cheat and allow him to. Two wrongs can never make a right so while i don't condone cheating, i can understand their anger and bitterness and hence the reason i say divorce is better o! If your right eye will cause you to sin, cut it off.